Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
