Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
