Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
last night I used snow as a chaser
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
