Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
