im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
