I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
this is an emotional support booty call
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
