I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
