So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize