He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
