During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
