I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
