Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
