Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
