So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
