Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
