Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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