You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
