I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
