I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
