Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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