Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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