problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
