oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
