Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
