now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
