i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
