"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
