U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
