he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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