you mean i was at the winter classic?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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