I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
