worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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