ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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