What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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