i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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