Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
