so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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