McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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