So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She said her name was "party"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
