Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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