I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Randomize
