I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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