we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
