my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
