matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
