glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize