I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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