WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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