yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
