I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
