mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
