how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
