I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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