"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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