Pappa wants mamma naked
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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