she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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