just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
