I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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