it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
