my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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