FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize