Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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