you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
