i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i can't believe i had my finger in that
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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