Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
