pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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