You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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