my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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